It’s been a while…

I haven’t posted since we found out we had lost one of our babies but that seems like such a far off memory.  We don’t even think about that one that we lost anymore.  We are so focused on the fact that ONE is actually surviving that we are just fit to be tied!

I had another ultrasound last Friday afternoon.  The baby was still measuring a week ahead of schedule which put us at 12 weeks and 2 days last Friday so I’m assuming that this Friday we are in week 13 somewhere.  Everything looked great!  We had the first 2 parts of the genetic testing done.  We had them do the ultrasound to check the skin thickness on the back of the neck and then look for a nasal bone.  Thank god the baby showed up being normal in both of those areas.  We still have one more blood draw to do which will be on November 11 then we’ll have to wait a few days to get those results but for today we can breathe easy.  We also got to see the baby move again.  It was a pretty uneventful appointment.  We saw an ultrasound tech we’d never met before (apparently she was filling in) and a PA whom I’ve never met before.  Chad and I asked the same questions we already have answers to to both the PA and the u/s tech.  The u/s tech was extremely unhelpful.  She didn’t give us anything.  Horrible bedside manner.  The PA was slightly nicer but seemed completely old school and were telling us things that were completely contradictory to what the doc. had told us, one example was about running.  Chad asked if I could keep running.  She said “absolutely not!  It’s like getting in a car crash, the impact is bad for the baby”.  Um, ok, this is the FIRST I’ve ever heard of trauma to the fetus b/c of light running.  I’m not running marathons here lady (and someone did just a few weeks ago while 38 weeks pregnant!).  I’m on runners world forums and 3 doc’s have already said it’s fine to run throughout pregnancy if I was a runner before (and yes, I was 12 years in the making!).  Luckily I got to talk to my reg. doc. this week about when to stop my progesterone pills and I also asked her if I’m high or low risk and if I’m low risk if there is ANY way I can run.  She said that it’s fine to run and I’m now considered low risk but only until about 20 weeks.  She just worries about me falling which could in turn cause actual trauma b/c if I fell on my stomach, that could be detrimental to the baby.  Fair enough.  I can respect that.  So after I got off the phone with my doc. I jumped for joy!!!  I really REALLY didn’t want to take off running for 9 months!  I would have, don’t get me wrong.  I was looking into other options but there is nothing like lacing up your tennies for a good jog.  Not to mention it is one of the easiest forms of exercise to do!  I can just put my shoes on and go.  I was actually dreading having to go to a gym every single day.  I would have done it non the less for our baby but still!  Running just fits into my day so well!  I run 4 miles over lunch and BAM done for the day.  And now that I’m not running nearly as fast as I used to I barely sweat.  It’s a good deal.  So needless to say I was back and running on Wednesday.  I started out with 4 miles which did feel good, not great.  Thursday I did the same.  I was feeling awful yesterday.  The running definitely helped though.  Today I’m planning on doing another 4 over lunch which will give me a total of 12 miles this week!  Not bad for  my first week back.  My legs and back are definitely feeling it though.  It’s really tough to get back into the exercise game after being out for almost 2.5 months.  I am just determined to not be one of those women that gains 60 lbs and can’t get the weight off once our baby is born.

Tonight we are heading to Kansas City to my husbands family’s house so that we can celebrate his grandmothers 90th birthday!  Tomorrow we will tell his mom’s side our big news…His grandma gets to become a great-grandma again!

Bitter sweet

Yesterday was our 10 week ultrasound.  I will do my best to remember everything and not leave a thing out.

We woke up and got ready as normal.  The appointment was at 8am so we left the house at 7:30.  I was a nervous wreck to be honest.  The fear of vanishing twin syndrome just wouldn’t leave my conscience.  I desperately just wanted it all to be over and to be ok, whatever the outcome.  On Wednesday I actually made a list of all the great things about having a singelton baby opposed to twins just to prepare myself for what may come.  On our way to the appointment my husband ran a red light on complete accident about 2 blocks before we got to the doc’s office.  I didn’t want to be late so I got out of the car and walked the rest of the way.  I got there and checked us in and he came in about 2 minutes after I had gotten there.  Unfortunately the cop didn’t feel THAT bad that I was pregnant and gave Chad a ticket anyways.  Oh well, can’t win em all. The ultrasound tech was running behind so we waited a bit in the waiting room before we were called and made small talk with the receptionist who also assured me she had never heard of vanishing twin syndrome and thought I was crazy for looking on the internet to do my research.  What does she know?  Anyways, a few more minutes and they called our names to come back to the ultrasound room.

I pulled my shirt up and started talking about my fears of vanishing twin syndrome and how I wasn’t exactly excited about this ultrasound, I was more nervous.  The tech assured me that I was being silly.  She told us that she had 2 other clinics that she works at and each of them has a set of twins.  She told me I just HAD to be her last set.  She explains “you know, they come in 3’s!”   Ok…I thought to myself, I guess.  She pulled the wand out and put it on my stomach.  I immediately knew we had lost one and I mean immediately.  They say there’s such thing as mother’s intuition and I can honestly say I have felt that for the last several weeks but mostly yesterday when the wand touched my bare skin.  As she frantically took the wand and moved it over and over again to different parts of my stomach searching for any sign of the other baby, the room was completely silent and I could tell she knew she had put her foot in her mouth.  Then, finally, she says “yeah, sorry, I think there is only one.”  Even though I could see it for myself my heart sank.  I looked at my husband and could tell his eyes were blank, shocked.  I think we both wanted to cry but didn’t know how to.  How can we cry when our BABY is up on that screen wiggling around and moving it’s arms and legs and swaying from side to side.  It was a very surreal moment and one that I will never forget.  We watched for several more minutes as the baby just swam around and we processed what was going on.  Chad didn’t say anything.  I kept asking questions.  We just lost a baby but we still have one!  How do you react to this sort of news?

After a while the ultrasound tech took several more pictures and told us the baby had it’s fingers and toes and a nasal cavity.  It also was measuring a very thin skin fold on the back of it’s neck which is a good sign.  It’s heartbeat was 167 and it measured a whole week larger than what we expected.  11 weeks 2 days!  We skipped an entire week!  That puts our due date at about April 25, 2012.  Really the only way I could be happier is if they were both still with us.  That being said, the doctor told us after the ultrasound that she had been worried.  The babies were sharing the same placenta which is not a good outcome.  What she assumes happened is that the surviving baby ended up taking all of the nutrients from the placenta and the dying baby didn’t get nourished so it died off.  There weren’t any remains  of the dead fetus.  Luckily it got reabsorbed back into the placenta which means there was no effect on the surviving baby.  If this was going to happen, we are glad that it happened early.  Had this happened after the first trimester it could have caused major complications for the surviving twins and they both could have died.  Hey, I’ll take one baby or no babies!!

Hi guys!

It a sense, it was almost a relief to know that we are only having one.  I was terrified of the complications that occur as you get further along with a twin pregnancy.  For selfish reasons, I didn’t want to be as big as a house (although I would have gladly accepted the challenge!).  I can also run again.  With a twin pregnancy you really are not allowed to do any sort of exercise unless it’s walking.  When I feel better, I fully intend on running throughout my pregnancy.  It also lifts a major financial burden for us.  I can continue to work if I so choose without having my entire paycheck go towards daycare.  We also are thankful that we can give our attention 100% to one baby and enjoy the experience of having one child.  So all in all that was our 10 week ultrasound.

I can say I feel more joy than sorrow.  I know that moments of sadness will occur, just as they occurred when we miscarried in June.   I felt my first real sad moment when my brother called last night to talk about it.  He is so careful with his words and a very sensitive person.  I think that touched me in a place I hadn’t yet been touched that day.  I was able to pull it together and continue our conversation with a few laughs sprinkled in.  I thank him for finding that place in my soul to mourn our loss.  I ended up waking up last night to go to the bathroom and when I came back to bed, I put my hands on my stomach and let the tears stream down my face.  It was a great release for me and something I need to make sure is never bottled up and forgotten.  I finally came to the conclusion, baby, I will miss you but you will always be a part of your sibling and I will never forget you.

9 week update

Today I’m at 10 weeks 1 day!  I’ve made it to double digits!  But first, let’s talk about how week 9 treated me.  I finished off week 9 on Monday night.  It was a rough, rough night.  We’ll start at the beginning of last week.  I was pretty excited to begin week 9.  Actually, every day that goes by I’m more excited that I’ve made it one more day.  I didn’t have any presentations last week so I was able to go home every single night and relax.  I even made it to kickball on Wednesday night!  We did end up telling our friends on the kickball team but neglected to tell them about the fact that we are having twins.  I think we are still be cautious and waiting until our 10 week u/s tomorrow to divulge that type of information.  Last week I experienced what I thought looked like a tiny tiny smear of blood.  Almost like what you would see if you cut yourself down there.  Of course I freaked out.  My heart completely stopped.   I whipped and whipped and whipped and went to the bathroom about 20 times in those next 2 hours just to see if it was coming from my cervix.  Nothing.  I’m going to chalk it up to me being crazy.  Let’s hope the u/s shows the same.  I’ve taken my medication very regularly and really don’t leave the house without it these days.  I was pretty good last week with few nights of extreme nausea however, the weekend was a different story.  I was able to get out and do the elliptical for 60 min. on Saturday but then felt pretty horrible after that and for the rest of the day.  Saturday I went in and out of nausea all day.  We met with a realtor out in an area we want to buy a house and I was ok throughout that.  Then we went to Panera and I got a grilled tomato and mozzarella sandwich and broccoli and cheese soup.  That hit the spot. When we got home I was SO dead and didn’t feel well.  I watched the Green Mile on TV while Chad fell asleep.  I was supposed to fall asleep but got so caught up in the movie that I couldn’t.  I cried my eyes out!  Talk about emotional!  I then ran a few errands for my mom.  Now, that was tough.  I did NOT feel well at all at this point.  Later we met up with my mom downtown for appetizers and dinner.   I was able to get down crackers and hummus and then some spin dip.  I ordered a dinner and took one bite then was finished.  Sad.  It was a great night but I was pooped when we got home around 10:30pm.

Sunday we slept until a little after 8am.  Ok, if you know us, especially me, this never happens.  It felt wonderful.  Even the dog cooperated.  We went to church with our friends.  I was ok throughout that service.  We ended up coming home and relaxing the rest of the day.  I was in and out of feeling bad.  I had to take my mom home in the middle of the afternoon and really didn’t feel too well all day.  I wanted to force myself to exercise so I went for a mile walk then RAN 4 miles!  They were slow miles but I did it!  I felt amazing afterwards.  I was sore up until yesterday but it was so worth it 🙂  I don’t think I’ll be able to run again though.  Running with twins isn’t a great idea.  I guess we’ll see tomorrow whether or not we have one or two in there still and that will also determine whether or not I can run throughout my pregnancy.  I will 100% give up running if that means we have twins in there.  I didn’t eat much for dinner that night as I did have terrible heartburn throughout my run but I did manage a turkey sandwich.

It’s been a little better in terms of trying to eat healthier.  For breakfast I’ve been consistently eating cereal with skim milk.  For snacks it’s been a sandwich of sorts, lunch has been whatever sounds good at that moment, and dinner has been a random mix but usually a mixed diet so I’m not eating the same thing every night.  Generally pretty healthy like turkey sandwiches, soup, veggie burgers, things like that.  I’m trying!  Last night I actually got a salad bar and veggie spring rolls at whole foods last night for dinner.

So there you have it…Week 9 summed up.  I’ll start giving a scale of things I’m feeling:

How I’m feeling: 1-10, I’m at about a 5 this week

What I’m craving: Protein

What I’m not craving: Sweets, sweet foods, cakes, ice cream, candy, coffee, gum, eggs…GROSS.

Today I’m wracking my brain for what I should eat.  I have narrowed it down….chipotle or a grilled chicken sandwich at wendy’s.  I think I’ll choose chipotle.