Sorry I’ve been MIA lately. I decided I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with this blog after the miscarriage. I wanted to start it as a purely running and eating blog but then the day I started it I found out I was preggo and it instantly turned into a pregnancy blog. So now I’m going in a new direction. It’s going to be about pregnancy for sure and my thoughts on conceiving and hopefully getting pregnant and keeping the baby but it’s also going to mix with my true love of running and eating to stay thin.
So for an update…Last post was on June 30. I received a phone call from my doc. on July 1 with not so great news (or at least news that I didn’t find encouraging). When I went to the doc the previous Monday she told me she wanted to get me healthy quickly so that I could start ttc again very soon. Um to me, very soon=THIS CYCLE! Hello! I’m impatient as my husband can attest (so can anyone who has ever spent more than an hour with me) so when she called on Friday to talk to me about where my HcG levels were I expected great news. The good news was that my HcG levels went from 302 to 127 in a period of 48 hours. The doc. told me she wanted to follow it to 0. I was encouraged by this news because it meant they were more than decreasing by double. The quicker the HcG level gets to below 5, the sooner your body can start ovulating again. Your body can’t ovulate until these levels are below 5. That being said she told me she wanted me to wait a while before trying again. I was devastated. She basically wants me to wait for the emotional side of it. I think my body is perfectly fine. I stopped bleeding with in 5 days. The bleeding started Saturday night and stopped by Thursday. Plus, I was only at week 5. I hardly call that attached. Yes, we were devastated when it happened because we lost the dream of a child but it wasn’t a child. It didn’t even have a heart beat! It was a mass of cells! I’m pretty science minded and when it comes to this sort of thing I’m just not spiritual at all about it. I can separate what happened pretty easily and know that it happened b/c it was either a bad egg/sperm, my mutation, or the cell mass never properly implanted. I’m just not mourning the loss of this thing. I appreciate her being concerned with my emotions but I’m not interested in someone telling me how I’m supposed to feel or how long I should wait to try and conceive again for my emotional well being.
Anyways, that night we went on vacation with my husbands family to Breckenridge.
It was a really great way to forget about all that has been happening (dad lost his job on Thursday night so that was also hard) and a way to just break free. We were gone for 4 days then came back to work Wednesday then I was off to
Vegas for a quick 24 hour stay for an impromptu wedding. It was for one of my closest cousins and it was again, a great diversion to what’s been going on in my life.
I’m noticing that as time goes on it’s getting easier and easier to move on and be ok with not being preggo right away. A co-worker who just had a baby in May came by the office yesterday with her two month old. She is going to be 37 and said that she never imagined life would be like it is now-with a baby. She said she lost all her free time, she’s tired all the time, she can’t ever do anything she wants to anymore and the new schedule is just killing her. I actually appreciated her honesty and it made me realize that I still have ALL of those things!! I can go home and do what I want, I can meet friends when I want, I can sleep in, I can take naps, I can be irresponsible. I am learning that time is on my side and when I do have a child all of those things will be taken away from me. I’m quickly learning to appreciate the lazy nights with my husband, the sound of an alarm waking me up instead of a crying baby, and the fact that the evening is my oyster still. I can go home and drink a whole bottle of wine (although I never would do that on a work night) or go for a 20 mile run. These are things that I won’t be able to do with a child (at least not easily). I’m really soaking in the fact that we are still newly wedding and can have sex spur of the moment without worrying about taking care of a human 😉 That all being said, this is me trying to look at the bright side of not being pregnant right now. Don’t get me wrong, I want this just as badly as I wanted my then boyfriend, now husband, to ask me to marry him.
Now back to why I’m “On top of the world”. I got another call from the doc. office. When I see that number I want to screen the phone call. I’d rather the bad news be delivered to me on a voicemail than in person. Somehow it helps with the shock if it’s not so great news. So of course the voicemail picked up and I listened to it immediately after. My HcG levels are at 3! Thank god! I had a sneaking suspicion that I ovulated last night but that literally would have been impossible if my levels were still high. You can’t ovulate until they are below 5. AHHH I was so happy to hear this news! If I actually did ovulate yesterday/this morning (felt the little tinges I always feel) then my temps should go up tomorrow and my period should arrive in about 12 days.
Another thing my doc. said was that I’ll now be taking 5mg of folic acid instead of just 2mg, pre-natal vitamins, and 1 baby aspirin. I’m praying and crossing my fingers that this cocktail will help with the next pregnancy. I also called a reproductive endocrinologist (it feels like I’m cheating on my doc.) to find out if this is truly the route I need to take and if this cocktail will do the trick. I want more answers and I want to find out if there is anything else that has been popping up in research associated with MTHFR. I have read on other people’s blogs that you really need to be your own advocate. My doc. does not want me to be on Lovenox as she states it’s risky and could potentially put me at risk. For now, I’ll take her word for it.