One Year

I started this post almost 2 weeks ago but wanted to document how important time can be for people waiting on news.  Expecting the worst.  Hoping for the best.  Never expecting the unexpected.  One year ago…

Today, August 31, my husband’s birthday of all days, marks the one year anniversary of our 18 week anatomy scan of Aubrey.  Little did we know that 24 hours later we’d receive a phone call that rocked our universe.  Little did we know that a few days later we’d opt for a level II ultrasound and that a cleft lip would be confirmed.  We knew nothing one year ago about clefts or hearts or had any clue that we’d be lumped into the category of having a “special needs” baby.

Would I change anything?  Of course I would.  I would never ever ever want my baby to go through what she had to in her first 5 months of life nor would I have ever wanted to go through the emotional struggles and anxiety that my pregnancy brought both me and my family.  But I can’t change anything.  I can only move forward, expect the worst and hope for the absolute best.  You know what?  The power of positive thinking is so freaking important.  I learned through this baby and these experiences to be a more positive and upbeat person.  This baby has completely changed my mindset on everything.  I mean EVERYthing.  I know I have expressed my gratitude for this baby in previous posts but my heart is just so much bigger than I could have ever imagined now.  I’m so grateful for what we have gone through with this child. These experiences have not only shown me that I’m so much stronger than I ever thought possible but they’ve also opened up my mind and my heart to those families who are going through so much worse than what we have had to go through.  It’s shown me that the smallest person can have so much strength.  If ever I run into a challenge that I can’t see myself overcoming I think of my newborn baby having open heart surgery and while she didn’t have any say in whether or not she was going to have this surgery she has shown me so much strength.  I always think of her when I hit a wall and know that if she can do what she did and come out more than ok then I can over come my shitty day or hard workout or conflict with a friend.  This baby has made me so much more compassionate towards other’s situations and has also opened up entire worlds to me that I never even knew existed.

We have survived one year and hope to survive many more.  My sweet Aubrey bear, what would I do without you?  Thank you for choosing us a million times over.  I needed you so badly and you have saved me in more ways than you will ever know.  I love you my sweet baby girl.

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