Down

Sometimes we just feel sad, down, depressed, not worthy.  These are all feelings I have at this exact moment in time.  I come here to write because writing almost always, without fail, makes me feel better.  Just getting my thoughts down in an unorganized fashion helps me.

I went through a period of “what will I do when I quit my job?” last June.  I was on maternity leave and started to become a bit scared of the title “stay at home mom”.  The term seemed a bit useless and demeaning for some reason.  I hated that I felt that way but all the women I have know who have chosen to become stay at home moms have had something on the side-a successful blog, photography, tutoring, work from home gig.  I had nothing.  So when in July, I proposed to my old boss that I’d be happy to work from home part-time as long as they needed me, it felt really good.  Of course, they took that away from me on my last day and I don’t want to get into that today.  I was actually a bit relieved when my boss told me they didn’t want me working from home.  I actually was done with the bs that DU had thrown my way and really just wanted to be done there.  Lucky for me, I had my ACE test to study for and I had to take it by the end of February 2013.  So from September to mid February I actually felt somewhat fulfilled.  I was studying for my certification to become a health coach.  When people asked me what I did I not only was a SAHM, I was also studying for my health coach certification through the American Council on Exercise 🙂  Pretty awesome huh?  For whatever reason, it felt reputable.  I was doing more than just watching my baby all day and going to play groups.

Ok, maybe I’m being hard on myself.  But I truly feel as though I’m working towards nothing right now.  I’m so incredibly grateful to be able to stay at home with Emmett.  These past 11 months have literally been the best 11 months of my life.  I love our play times, our story groups, our play groups, our walks, our runs, our errands, our lunch dates, the laughter we share, watching him develop and never missing a beat.  I really don’t know how working moms do it.  I can’t imagine not being with my baby this past year.  I know this time won’t last forever so again, I try to reason with myself and tell myself that this time is precious and that I can never get it back but there’s always that little voice in the back of my head that really wants to make it count.

I don’t need a job to feel like I’m a contributing member of society, but today I do with I had more on my plate.  This talk is probably coming out because for the past 3 days, E and I haven’t really had anything on our social calendar and when that happens, I start to feel anxious.  Luckily tomorrow we’re going to a volunteer thing and lunch with friends after and Chad scored us some pretty sweet seats at the nuggets game tomorrow night.  I’m really looking forward to going out with Chad.

Why do monotonous days get me down?  I have my health, I have my husband, I have my boy, I have my dog, I have my family, I have my friends, I have running…What more could I possibly want or even need?  Oh, to make sure I get out of the house every single day and make sure that Emmett has several learning opportunities when we do get out.  Yeah, there’s that.  So what am I going to do about my mood today?  Well, I’m going to just go with it.  Tomorrow will be better.

I know the real reason I feel low today…I want sweets more than anything in the entire world right now and because I chose to sacrifice them for lent, I’m forced to fill the void with fruit and cereal!  All I really want is a freshly baked brownie with vanilla bean ice cream.  My mom said the other day that she doesn’t think I should give up sweets anymore because she doesn’t like seeing me sad.  I love that women.  Maybe I should listen to her next year 🙂

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10 Months

I swear I started and ended this post a few weeks back when my boy actually turned 10 months but couldn’t find the photos to match my words.  After finding the photos and putting them into my post, I learned I wasn’t actually logged in and lost everything.  So I got frustrated and haven’t been back since.  I have some time this morning (now March 13) so I thought I’d finally get my pictures and post!  Enjoy!

Now 10 months just seems old.  Do I say that every single time I write up a monthly Emmett update?  This time it’s true.  Double digits?!  At least he’s not 10 years old yet.  Emmett seems to have made about a million developmental leaps this month.  He seemed to have changed over night, though I know it’s been tiny bits here and there.  When I look at him today I wonder to myself “when/how did he start doing that!?”  This month my little infant who seemed to do very little does just about everything now.  He’s starting to make the jump from being an infant into being a toddler.  I’d say the biggest most noticeable thing that he’s started doing is pulling up on things.  He pulls up on everything.  I was worried at his 9 month appointment because he wasn’t doing this now.  I sort of wish I had just sat back enjoyed the ride rather than worrying everyday about why he wasn’t pulling up yet because he’s doing enough pulling up for the entire family now!

He has also gotten really good at eating.  He’s not a picky eater, as I’ve mentioned before, but man, he really does like to eat!  His newest foods this month have been low sodium deli turkey, shredded cheese (or as his cousin Beckett like to call it “messy cheese”), black beans and of course all the latest and newest creations that my friend Michele from my birth class has made.  He eats it all, pureed, whole food, little pieces, big pieces, soupy, thick…He doesn’t care!  The only food I can’t get him to even swallow are eggs.  I have made them every way I know how.  I have even made them with stuff like cheese and he won’t tough them.  He better get to liking them because we go through almost two cartons of eggs a week and we love our eggs.

He is now crawling faster than I can keep up with.  I swear, don’t turn around or leave him alone for a second because he will be gone.  He’s into everything.  I don’t even want to think about him walking.  He loves doors so when I can’t find him, I can usually bet that he has made his way to the bedrooms and is opening and closing doors.  He also really like’s the dog’s kennel door.  I worry about him poking his eye out with her kennel door because the ends are super sharp.  He also likes pulling up on the kennel so when the door is shut, he can at least keep playing with it.

Emmett is also a super social little man.  We are in several playgroups and he keeps getting more and more outgoing.  He loves to smile at just about everyone.  He makes friends everywhere we go.  If I’m feeling lonely, all I have to do is leave the house and I know my little man will bring out a conversation in someone.  He has definitely outgrown the stranger danger thing and is back to going to strangers with ease. When we are at our play groups or the library groups, he will go to moms he’s never even seen before!  Crazy boy.

He is napping really really well.  If I let him, he will usually go down for a nap about 2 hours after he wakes up and then again later in the day around 2pm until 4-5.

However, this is a challenge because we are pretty busy so he usually ends up taking one of those naps in the BOB or the car.  Speaking of the BOB, running is going extremely well again.  It was rough there for a while and I figured our days of running together were numbered but then I got smart and started running later in the day when it was warmer or not running at all when it was so cold out.  That has solved the problem.  He was cold!  He still loves the Ergo carrier which is great because I really love baby wearing.  I don’t even want to think about the day that he will outgrow it and want to only walk.

Emmett also experienced his first sickness this past month.  We never really found out what was going on.  He was running a 102 + temp. and had a horrid cough that just went on and on.  He was a real trooper at the doc.’s office though.  Daddy took him this day while mommy served on Jury Duty.

All in all I just have to say this last month has been the best month with Emmett thus far.  I do get nostalgic when I look at pictures of him when he was 3 months old but then I look at him now and just couldn’t imagine not waking up to a smiling, babbling, STANDING baby!  I’m not sure if this is a good thing, but we are connected at the hip and he’s my best buddy.  We do everything together and I love it that way.  Even on our most challenging days, I remind myself that this too shall pass and try to embrace every single second.

Here’s to the best 10 months of my life little buddy!  Don’t ever outgrow me…please!?

Oh and yes, we still have a dog.  She is doing quite well and is rarely neglected.  She still gets walks, runs, and play time and she chooses whether or not to sleep with us 🙂