This past week flew by. I would wake up in the morning, get my workout in, grab breakfast, do a day filled with activities, then before I knew it I was brushing my teeth and in bed for the night. But let me tell you something, KIDS ARE HARD WORK! It’s never any wonder to me why I’m in bed and passed out and sleep a full nights sleep from 10pm-5:30am. I’m WIPED out. I don’t think I’ve ever slept better in my life. Ok, that’s such a lie. I slept way better before I had kids but maybe I just get better quality sleep now. So back to why kids are hard. To be honest I think these past 7.5 months have been an absolute breeze. Here’s why:
1. I’ve never felt better. I have SO much energy. Maybe more than my two kids combined. I feel like I have my life back after being pregnant. Because I was so miserable for 9 months straight, I feel like every single day that I’m not pregnant is wonderful. I really LOVE LIFE right now.
2. My running is back. I am back up to high mileage weeks and that feel freaking fantastic. I enjoy so much about my running. From pushing double BOBs to running on my treadmill in the early morning hours, I love everything about running and I think that my running definitely contributes to me being able to keep up with my kids and my enthusiasm for life. I feel like my running normalizes me and is like serious therapy without the high cost of therapists or drugs.
3. My coffee. What in the hell did I do without coffee for almost an entire YEAR!? Holy shit. No wonder I was so miserable while I was pregnant. And no, I didn’t stay away from coffee because of the caffeine. I physically could not drink the stuff. It made me want to vomit (but then again, what didn’t make me want to vomit?). When I’m having a stressful morning with my kids coffee saves me every. single. time. I love coffee.
Ok so back to the reason why kids are hard. Again, these past 7.5 months have been nothing but amazing in my opinion. Sure, having two was an adjustment at first but after those first 2 weeks we fell into the swing of things and life’s been great. I really would never say that any day has been down right hard, maybe challenging, but not hard. Again, this whole ridiculous amounts of energy really bauds well for me. BUT this past Thursday was different. I’ve been blessed with great sleepers. These kids love to sleep and I love to let them sleep. I’ve never dealt with the nap war thing that people talk about. Well, now you can feel bad for me because for the first time in like over a year Emmett just down right refused to nap. He had a weird day at preschool where when they took him to go to a singing activity he had a major meltdown and screamed for me. His teacher had to physically remove him from the activity and go to a quiet place to read books for the hour. He was fine when I picked him up and didn’t want to even leave but that’s not like him. When we got home and tried to do our normal nap routine that we’ve done for the past year or so he acted like he was scared and did NOT want me to leave his room. At first I totally fed into it and gave him hugs and kisses and felt really bad for him but after a negotiation and a cookie and him promising me he’d take a nap if he got a cookie and he still didn’t go down, I was pissed. WTF Emmett!? I stuck to my end of the deal now you have to stick to your end! But he didn’t. Um, where was Campbell during all this? Yeah, she was in her crib SCREAMING her head off. I can’t deal with two screaming uncontrollably at the same time and that’s kind of where I lost my cool. Luckily I lost my cool on the inside and via nasty text messages to my husband but I felt like on the inside my blood was boiling and steam was coming out of my ears to relieve some pressure.
I went in to get Campbell and I brought Emmett down stairs for the 17th time and told them we were going to leave the house because I was not about to entertain them at home all afternoon. But then something magical happened and Campbell fell asleep while I fed her and I was able to free up my arms and put her to sleep. Chad texted back to me and suggested I let Emmett watch some TV. I let him watch more than some TV. He watched almost 2 hours of it and I had zero guilt about it. When Chad got home everyone was calm and we even had dinner together that I had time to through together. It was an early evening for these chickens.
But here’s another thing that’s wearing on me…Campbell has gotten into a routine where she goes to bed at 7ish and then wakes up two hours later for NO REASON! I feed her just because I can’t calm her down but sometimes I’m asleep and that’s when it’s really hard. Ok, another lie, sometimes I’m just watching TV with Chad but my “work day” is over and I just want to veg so throw me a freaking bone Campbell!! It’s not that I don’t love holding and rocking my baby but it takes usually 30 minutes to get her to calm down because she falls asleep nursing and I get tired and I want to be asleep too. And because I’m the only one who can soothe her it gets very tiring. We did however try something new on Thursday night and because Chad knew I had such a rough day with nap wars he offered to go in and try to soothe her. Guess what!? All he had to do was pick her up and rock her for 5 minutes and she fell asleep! All I can speculate is that she smells me and for her, the only way that I can soothe her is if I feed her. Emmett went through the same thing and I had to stop going in and rocking him because he started expecting me to feed him. I think that’s what we’re going to have to start doing with Campbell too. So after she goes back down it’s nearly 10pm and I can barely function. My body hurts and I’m tired and I just am done.
I feel like for the first time since having two, that it’s finally caught up with me this past week. I also think it has something to do with Emmett getting closer to 3 years old and I’ve been told by nearly everyone who has ever had a 3 year old that 3 is worse than 2. We are slowly inching towards that and I’m starting to see glimpses into my future with a 3 year old. We had some new challenges up ahead and yes, I’m ready for them but no, I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to forgo the every sacred nap. Ever. I feel like it’s the only part of my entire life right now that is semi relaxing. Even my running isn’t relaxing anymore because it’s either done with a monitor and children wanting to be taken out of their rooms and entertained or a stroller with a kid throwing things out of the stroller or crying. So this whole nap thing and the fight that has ensued is new to me and not welcomed one bit. I’m hoping it’s just a phase because I know that he needs these naps (I mean on Thursday when he didn’t nap he fell asleep before 7pm while Chad was reading a book to him!) and he doesn’t do very well without them so I’m not worried that he’ll give them up anytime soon. What I’m worried about is the struggle of getting him to just get to his room to start the nap! I don’t want to deal with that every time I have to put him to sleep. I won’t go into it but he fought me on Friday with his nap time too and he also fought me going to bed that night. Thank goodness Chad came to the rescue on Friday night and for nap time on Saturday. He has given Chad zero problems and I’m now questioning if Emmett thinks he has me wrapped around his little finger or something.
Anyways, the point of this post is just to vent and let out some frustration. Kids are hard and we’ll deal with this new phase if that’s what it is. We’ll get our groove with or without a nap if that’s what it comes down to. I know I’ve been spoiled for the past 2.5 years and not everyone gets what I have but dang, it’s all relative and so this is what I’m used to. Am I selfish to want time to myself even though I’m now a mom? I feel as though the nap part of my day makes me a better mom and re-centers me. It makes me feel human again and lets me regroup. It does the same for my kids. We’re all better off after nap time.
Ok, don’t cry for me any longer. I’ll be fine. I mean isn’t that what motherhood is all about? ME 😉 I just need a nap.