Me time

I have definitely been through the ringer these past few weeks.  Ok, it’s been 6.5 weeks since my baby girl has been born and let’s be honest, having two kids is just hard.  I will say though that it’s easier than having a toddler and being pregnant, at least for me anyways.  I have SO much more energy now that she’s out of me!  I LOVE not being pregnant.  Actually, yesterday was my 6 week postpartum appointment and my doc. even told me that it’s only 2% of the population that actually enjoys being pregnant.  Thank goodness, it’s not just me that finds pregnancy 100% miserable.

Anyways, I woke up for Campbell’s 2nd feeding this morning at 4:26am and just decided to get up for the day.  I’m tired of not having any me time and if getting up at 4:26am is the only way to get it then so be it.  I’m not a night owl so staying up until 11 or midnight is just not going to happen.  I’m my best and at most peace in the slow morning hours.  I miss blogging, I miss writing thank you notes, I miss WORKING OUT!  I miss reading blogs in silence and drinking coffee without worrying about spilling it on a little person.  Campbell has been very challenging lately and cries all. the. time.  I mean ALL THE TIME!  The only times she’s not crying is when she’s sleeping (which so far has been amazingly well at night thus making the daytime crying manageable), when she’s eating (and even then she cries on and off while trying to eat), and while being bounced so hard that I feel like I’m shaking her.  I don’t mean to bounce her this hard, it’s just what she finds comforting.  I don’t understand it at all and right now we’re entering day 4 of this behavior.  It’s wearing us thin, I’m not going to lie.  The first 2 weeks were a challenge because we were learning how to adjust to a family of 4 and how we were going to manage doing things with 2 kids.  Emmett had a rough time adjusting which made him act out.  He was tough to deal with and I’m not used to him being aggravated and in a bad mood.  The second 3 weeks were pure bliss.  Campbell slept a lot, Emmett was back to himself, I started working out again, and quite frankly I found the two kid thing to be no big deal.  We weren’t at all sleep deprived and Campbell really only gave us trouble at night between the hours of 7pm-when we put her down for bed.  BUT last week and going into this week has been nothing short of pure hell.

I don’t say this lightly.  It all really started last week when Campbell started to become inconsolable in the evening hours.  Chad kept his cool and kept reminding me “this too shall pass”.  Ok fine, this too shall pass.  But over the weekend it got worse.  Our poor little E-man got really sick and we had to take him to the ER.  He woke up around 12:45am on Sunday morning with a horrid barking cough and couldn’t breath, like, at all.  It was very VERY scary.  We broke out the nebulizer not knowing what else to do and it wasn’t helping because he was crying to hard and not letting us put the mask on his face to even receive any medicine.  His breathing was so labored I thought for sure he’d pass out if we didn’t hurry up and act fast.  It was very scary.  He was scared.  We were scared.  So we took him to the ER.  That’s right, we packed up the baby and jumped in the car.  When we got there the symptoms seemed to have almost disappeared but we felt confident in our decision so we stayed until 3am.  Croup.  Yes, that’s what he was diagnosed with.  He was given a steroid and we were sent on our way.  Luckily both kids went right back to sleep once we got home and we all slept until 8:30am the next day.  Happy Mother’s Day to me!  HA!  Little did I know that the next day would prove to be the nightmare of a lifetime.  It was just a horrible rotten day.  The worst day.  I get a Mother’s Day re-do the next time we have a free weekend because that day will go down in the books as the worst day ever.  Enough said.  Sleep deprivation doesn’t help anyone.

Anyways, since that day Emmett has returned to his normal happy self and Campbell has been a complete nightmare of a child.  Every time she falls asleep we try and transfer and without fail, she wakes up SCREAMING.  Then it takes another 30 minutes to console her and get her back to sleep only to repeat the cycle all day long.  Like I said, this started on Mother’s Day and has been going on ever since.  I know, it’s only Wednesday, but I don’t know how much more of this I can take.  My only time during the day to do anything is Emmett’s nap time and when I have to deal with a screaming child the entire 3 hours, well, let’s just say I get nothing done.  On Monday I just gave up and slept with Campbell.  I had her on my chest and just gave in.  Yes, it felt really good to sleep but it was completely unnecessary.  I don’t know, I don’t need much sleep so it was a bit frustrating that she was asleep yet I was trapped under her but the alternative was to try and transfer her and it just wasn’t worth it.  I may do the same today.

So alas, I’m up at 4:26am to be alone.  To have time to myself.  To get some laundry done, to blog, to do some food prep, and to watch trash TV.  Normally I’d exercise but I’m an idiot and started running too soon and injured myself already.  My knees are on fire anytime I put pressure on them so I’m taking the week off.  Next week my 4:26am wakeup call will definitely include my favorite activities but until then, I’m going to enjoy the peace and quiet of other things and take control of a life that’s so out of control right now.

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