Here we go again-week 4

This post was written back in July.  I wanted to document this pregnancy but wasn’t ready to make it public information.  So here is my very first post regarding baby #2…

I started testing while we were in Louisiana earlier this week on Sunday.  I was 10 dpo and with my last pregnancy, it showed up ever so faintly on the most sensitive test at 9 dpo. I used a First Response test which are much more sensitive than the dollar tree tests so that’s why I decided to wait an extra day for this one.  At 10 dpo there was a very faint little pink line on the test.  I really didn’t get excited though because it was so faint and you could easily mistake it for an evaporation line.  Why I test this early, I still have no clue.  It serves zero purpose and just creates more questions.  I kept doing everything I would have done if I weren’t pregnant.  I went for a hard run, I ate what I felt like and I had a beer that night.  I figured if I were pregnant, it would show up darker the next day.  So Monday, which was 11 dpo, I tested again and this time there was a faint line only more noticeable than yesterday’s line.  I even showed Chad and he could see it.  We agreed that the only way to tell was going to be to buy an expensive test when we got home later that night.  So, when we got home, I raced over to Walmart at 9:30pm to get a more reliable First Response pregnancy test.  I took the test with very diluted urine and the line showed up right away.  I kind of knew all along that the test was going to be positive but it’s still a huge shock to see if come up after several months of trying and seeing stark white where that line should have been.  I ran downstairs and showed Chad and we both just raised our eyebrows like, “well, here we go again I think?”.  Now, you are probably wondering, “why wouldn’t they be elated?  Weren’t they trying?  Isn’t this something they want?”  Well, in short, yes.  We were trying and we did want to be excited.  Finally Chad got up from the couch and said “that’s progress” and kissed and hugged me.  I told him I felt a little scared but that I wasn’t really all that excited.  You see, we miscarried back in June of 2011 at 5 weeks 1 day.  I tested at 3 weeks 5 days.  I am just a pessimist I suppose and I know a lot of it has to do with it being a defense mechanism.  I have no strong feeling either way if this one is going to stick.  I wish I could be one of those women who gets a positive pregnancy test and just is so excited and can’t wait to tell the world.  We’ve decided to keep this to ourselves until we know for sure if this is progressing.  I hate that I can’t even think about tomorrow.  I’m just thankful that I haven’t started bleeding yet.  I suppose I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop and that’s why I’m not too excited.  I am just trying not to get ahead of myself.  I just remember how excited we were for our first pregnancy and when that suddenly ended it was one of the most devastating things I’ve ever gone through.  On Tuesday I felt cramping in my uterus almost like pin pricks and a pulling sensation and I thought for sure it was over.  I even prayed to god to just let me miscarry so that I could heal and start over.  The next morning I took my temperature and it was 98.4 which is still high for me and well over coverline so that was reassuring to me.  I went through the rest of Wednesday a little less concerned and the cramping had seemed to have subsided.  I also talked to my doctor on Wednesday.  I had made an appointment on Tuesday for next Wednesday but with Emmett, I had a blood test done which showed my progesterone was a tad on the low side so they put me on prometrium as a precautionary measure.  I didn’t want to wait until next Wednesday to be put on progesterone so I called my doc. to see what we could do earlier.  I also wanted to know how this was going to affect my breastfeeding.  I have been trying to wean for a while now so actually this pregnancy is coming at the perfect time, if nothing else to help me wean Emmett.  The doc. said that there really is no more nutritional value in continuing to nurse because the embryo is taking all the nutrients right now and after the first trimester they recommend to quit altogether.  Honestly, I think yesterday was my last day nursing Emmett because this morning I got up to take the dog for a run and Emmett was awake by the time I got home and Chad was feeding him breakfast.  When I took a shower this morning my boobs weren’t even a little bit full and I think I’m starting to just dry up naturally which is how I wanted it in the first place.  To decide on my own to wean him was incredibly difficult for me so I’m glad it’s working out this way.  Anyways, back to the pregnancy stuff.  So after asking my doc. about breastfeeding, I asked about progesterone and whether or not she wanted me to get on it.  She told me to go in that day and get a blood draw to see a) if my progesterone was low and b) if I was producing enough HCG meaning it needs to be doubling ever 36 to 48 hours or so.  If the HCG is not being produced at that rate, the pregnancy is most likely not viable and you can expect to miscarry.  That’s really the only thing that the blood test tells you, if you’re going to miscarry before it actually happens so I suppose you can prepare yourself for it earlier than when it would actually happen.  To be honest, I have no reason to believe this pregnancy won’t work out other than the fact that the first one didn’t work out.  That is what I’m basing everything on.  Today I went back for the second blood draw to see if the levels are increasing and I’ll unfortunately know the results on Monday.  This is actually the first time ever that I’m looking forward to Monday.  I don’t even know if looking forward to is the correct phrase but I’ll at least know if this pregnancy is heading in the right direction.  I don’t even think there’s anything I can do if it’s not progressing.  I just have to wait and see how long it takes me to miscarry.  It’s really a horrible feeling.  I think this time around, my saving grace is the fact that I do have a perfectly healthy amazing and wonderful baby boy already to keep my occupied and my mind off of a potential miscarriage.  I’m so grateful for him and don’t even know how people continue this process if they don’t already have one to keep up the hope.  He is the reason I know I’ll be capable of having another one someday if this one doesn’t take.

Here’s to being realistic and hoping for the best.  I’ll update on Monday with the results.  I’m just crossing my fingers at this point and if the numbers are where they should be then I’ll continue onto the appointment I have scheduled for Wednesday and maybe get an ultrasound to see if there’s a sac in there.  You can’t see a heartbeat until about 6 weeks and I’d be 5 weeks along next week so I’m just hoping to see a little something if I get that far.  That’s about as far as I can think right now.  One day at a time.  I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!  I’m planning on it if I miscarry or not 🙂

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