To the people I’ve lost

I miss him.  I miss his laugh, I miss his smile, I miss his eyes, I miss his hugs.  I miss him so much and so badly that I woke up with tears in my eyes.  Last night I had a dream about my Grandpa Thomas, my mom’s dad.  Even in the dream, he was sick but he was present.  My Grandpa died of Alzheimer’s disease in November of 1995.  He has been gone now for many many years but for some reason time doesn’t heal the pain.  The memory of him fades and I don’t think about him a lot, but when I do the tears come hard and are not easily stopped.  In my dream, while he was still sick, we embraced.  We were visiting my Grandparents at their old house in Overland Park, KS.  Everyone was there on my mom’s side.  My grandpa looked so young.  Even though he was sick, he still knew how to give great hugs.  The dream felt so real.  I’m so thankful for dreams because this is the only time I get to see the people that I’ve lost along the way.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see my grandma much in this dream.  She is gone too.  She passed in August 2012 and hasn’t been gone for long.  It’s odd, I don’t miss her quite as much as I miss my grandpa.  I think it has something to do with the fact that I did get to spend a lot of quality time with my grandma and the last 5 years of her life were very hard to watch.  With my grandpa, I feel as though I was cheated.  I know my grandma felt the same way.  He was taken from her when he was 78 and she was just in her early 60s.  I know she blamed God for this and constantly questioned why God cut their time short.  I also questioned why his time was cut short with all of us grand kids.  Sam, my youngest cousin was only 3 when my grandpa died.

I woke up from my dream, remembering the details that are now quickly fading, and am reminded that life is precious.  Life is short.  Thank you God for letting me see this wonderful man in my dreams last night.  One day we will meet again.

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