When did I stop blogging? Anyways, I have been making my husband take photos of our progress with the little bump and last week was my 17 week photo
I keep asking baby if he/she is growing! I’m still in my regular clothes. I just feel fat. I know I’m not and shouldn’t complain but from where I started I am gathering more girth around my stomach area. I hate feeling the fat pile up around my waist without much sign of a baby. I can’t wait to get out of the “fat” stage and into the pregnant stage. Last Monday I did not feel well at all. It was a pretty uneventful night. I came home and was just in a bad mood. I didn’t feel well and I just wanted to cry. I think I was in bed around 9pm that night. The next night was even worse. While I did feel better, my husband wasn’t in the best of moods. We did have an excellent veggie rich meal. We had sweet potatoe chilli with no mean and tons of veggies and beans. I should make that every week. I hadn’t exercised since Sunday so I think that contributed a bit to the way I was feeling on Tuesday. I think Chad was in bed by about 8:30 that night just reading. Well one thing led to another and I swear, you can say anything to me right now without me just breaking down and crying. I don’t really know what led to my outburst but I cried uncontrollably for about 30 minutes. While I was crying I felt, sad, alone, desperate, sick, not myself, gross, fat, ugly, and any other emotion that is negative. But I’d say I felt mostly alone. Throughout this pregnancy I have felt alone. I don’t really know anyone going through this with me right now. It’s not been easy. It does help to talk to other women who have been through pregnancy but I do find that people sugar coat a lot of things which I hate. Please be honest with me. This is how I feel better. I like when people vent. It makes me know they are real and also makes me feel closer to them knowing that I’m not alone and that I’m not the only pregnant person who has ever felt this way. I can’t stand when women say “I just loved being pregnant!” It makes me feel really bad about myself and hate myself for not loving this experience. I am not sure what world these woman are living on! Maybe feeling nauseous and tired and run down and fat is great for some but for me who is athletic, active, energetic, and feels great about the way I looked pre-pregnancy, this is not a walk in the park or anything even close to wonderful. So as I was thinking about all of this stuff on Tuesday through tears, I decided something needed to change in order for me to start at least being able to live with this pregnancy.
Wednesday I woke up and decided I was going to attempt to run again. I gave up running after coming home from Savannah/Charleston because my back just hurt too much and I just didn’t think I could keep up with the pain. As soon as I stopped running the pain started to subside. Well, as the pain subsided, I started feeling a bit down. Running is my drug of choice. After a run I feel like I can do just about anything. Not to mention it give me a huge self confidence boost. So I bit the bullet and ran to the gym. I joined a gym here in Denver that has about 22 locations around town. I decided to see if there were any locations close to work. There is one about 1.5 miles away. Perfect! I was able to run to the gym, do a 20 minute lifting session, and run back. So total was 3 miles with 20 minutes of lifting. Not too shabby! I felt amazing afterwards. I decided the next day I was going to try my hand at waking up in the morning to workout on our elliptical machine downstairs since I had a lunch meeting that day. I was pretty nervous about feeling alright for a workout that early. I haven’t attempted to workout that early since August. So I set my alarm for 5:30am and decided that if I didn’t feel up to it, I wouldn’t do it. Easy enough. I was so excited to get up that early that I actually woke up before the alarm went off. I though for some reason it was 5:30am because I heard the vampires upstairs taking a shower. I just figured most normal people wake up at 5:30 or later to shower for the day. I got dressed and started gathering books to read. I went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water and low and behold it was 3:30am. Ok, back to bed I went. Unfortunately I didn’t sleep that well for the last two hours but I did manage to get up at actual 5:30am to workout that morning. I did the elliptical for about 45 minutes and it felt wonderful. I was also able to squeeze in a 20 minute walk with the dog. I actually felt pretty good that day. My lunch meeting only had turkey and club sandwiches unfortunately so I could only eat the green salad and pasta salad. I was starving when I left so I made a pit stop at taco bell and picked up a bean burrito freso style and pinto’s and cheese. Ok, little secret. Taco Bell is the most amazing Mexican food I’ve ever eaten. I’ll take Taco Bell any day over authentic mexican food. I think they have some of the best nachos I’ve ever tried. Call me trashy and uncultured but man, sometimes Taco Bell hits the spot where no other place can! I was ok on Thursday night with minor nausea. We went out to eat at an Italian restaurant that night where I got stuff shells with sweetpototo, butternut squash and goat cheese, all melted into a pesto/goatcheese sauce. To die for. All in all I’d say Thursday was the best day of my week last week (I’ll attribute it to my early morning workout).
Friday was an ok day. I decided to run to the gym and lift again on Friday. I did exactly what I had done on Wednesday except I was so sore I couldn’t do my lunges or leg workout so I stuck with all upper body stuff. It felt great. I felt great the rest of the day. I was pretty starving all afternoon though so that set me up for feeling pretty nauseous when I got home that night. I didn’t prepare very well that day and just didn’t have enough food with me. We made butternut squash risotto with portebello mushroom, spinach, and goat cheese. Talk about another win. We ate like kings last week.
As for other happenings during week 17, I decided to slowly start spreading the news at work. I put my 12 week sonogram up in my office and figured that if people saw it and asked about it then I’d let them know the news. As predicted my loudest most nosy co-worker noticed first. She asked right away who’s it was and I just smiled and pointed to me. Her face lit up like a firecracker and she literally exploded on me. It felt wonderful. She told another co-worker of mine to check out my bulletin board and she cried when she saw the picture. It was a great day. This last co-worker just had a baby in May so she shared so much of what she went through. For the first time in a long time I didn’t feel alone. It feels good to finally start telling people about our little Gherkin.
Over the weekend we caught up on sleep and layed around a lot. I didn’t feel 100% over the weekend but Saturday I was able to go to the gym and get in 30 min. on the stationary bike, 20 min. on the stair climber, and a 2.5 mile run which felt incredible. I felt so great that I had designated Sunday to only running maybe even 5 miles. Well unfortunately with pregnancy you can’t plan anything ahead of time and I woke up to a horrible headache on Sunday morning. The headache pretty much put me out of commission for the day. We had plans to go over to my parents house to clean out and give away a bunch of stuff from my child hood bedroom. This did not happen. I fell asleep again for almost an hour during mid morning and when I woke up I was hungry again so new I couldn’t get to the gym at that point. I needed to eat. Chad made me an amazing grilled turkey and cheese sandwich and then we sat around some more. I finally dragged myself to the gym around 1:45pm and did 30 min. on the stationary bike, 15 min. of stair climbing and about 15 min. of lifting. It all felt good and I’m glad I went but we didn’t get to my folks until about 4:30pm 😦 I guess my bedroom will have to wait to get cleaned out. We had a fabulous wild rice soup and bread and salad for dinner. My mom makes the most wonderful food and I just love going over there to eat dinner and catch up. It was pretty tough for the first 3 months of pregnancy b/c I never knew what I would be able to get down but now I’m pretty safe to eat whatever as long as it’s not cake and ice cream 🙂
So now we are back to Monday. Only a two and a half day work week for us this week! It makes it bearable to go to work when you know you only have 2 days of work ahead of you!!