Attached

That was my problem.  I was too attached to the last pregnancy from the start.  I guess after seeing so many people around us have such healthy pregnancies and so many of these people being completely unhealthy, I figured I’d sail through my pregnancy.  Boy was I naive.  I guess I just see people who are overweight, unhealthy, don’t eat right, drink all the time, don’t take care of themselves, are highly stressed, and somehow, they STILL manage to get pregnant and keep the baby.  I figured the hard part would be getting pregnant but once I saw those double pink lines, I figured I’d just hit the easy button.  Especially after only trying for 2 months we thought we’d hit gold!

Well guess what.  I’m pregnant again.  Last week was one of the longest weeks of my life and here’s how it all went down…

Monday 8/15-I was eating my breakfast when I felt extremely sharp shooting pains in my pelvis area.  So bad to the point where I could barely eat.  I had to put my breakfast down and just let the pain run it’s course.  It did and I thought “that was odd”.  As the morning went on, I started thinking more and more, “what if that was implantation?  What if I’m pregnant?”.  I had promised myself after the miscarriage that the earliest I was ever going to test again was at 5 weeks past my last menstrual period.  Yeah right!  You know, you just get way to damn excited.  So this time around I said I’d just test at 10 days past ovulation.  But the more I thought about it the worse it got…I HAD to know.  I went to the store at lunch time and bought the cheapest pregnancy tests they had at the store.  I came back, went to the bathroom and peed on a stick.  I waited and the control line came up pretty much right away.  My heart was beating out of it’s chest.  A VERY faint line came up.  So faint that I almost had to squint to see it, but it was there!!  I carried the test back with me to my office and watched it and analyzed it all afternoon.  I also told myself I wasn’t going to tell my husband.  I was almost certain no line would show up anyways so why would I tell him!?  BUT I needed someone else to confirm that there was a line and that I wasn’t crazy.  Sure enough, when I got home I pulled it out and showed him.  He saw the line but rolled his eyes.  He begged me to just wait.  I didn’t think much of it as it could easily turn into a chemical pregnancy.

Tuesday 8/16- 10 dpo.  AHHH!  The wait was killing me!  I had to know!  So this time I decided to take the first morning urine and test.  A definite faint line came up quicker than yesterday’s test. But again, it could have still been a chemical pregnancy.  I had a digital pregnancy test left over from the clear blue easy OPK test trips and was reading reviews online about these types of tests.  Most people got positive tests only to conclude they weren’t pregnant.  Once man even took the test because his wife got a positive and it turned out positive for him too!  I decided that because this test seemed far from reliable that I’d take it anyways.  I waited a few minutes and it came up “pregnant”.  I was pretty happy but also scared at the thought that again, this may be a chemical pregnancy.  I decided to take one last test at lunch time, this time with a more expensive test.  I went to the store and got a first response.  I took it at lunch with completely diluted urine.  I had bring drinking water pretty much all morning so there was no way this one was going to be accurate but I couldn’t wait!!  I took it….two lines.  Very faint, but two lines!  I took the tests home yet again to confirm with Chad.  He said there were lines and basically thought I was insane.  I promised him I wouldn’t test again until Friday, the day my period was supposed to come.

It took everything I had inside of me not to take tests the following days.  I even had a wine date with a friend and had to tell her my embarrassing story of the week and why I’d be drinking club soda.  All my friends know I’m insanely impatient so they just laugh when I tell them these ridiculous stories.  Thursday night was a long night.  I felt like a kid waiting for Christmas morning to show up.  First of all I couldn’t sleep for the life of me.  After I finally did go to sleep I was awoken by my bladder at 2:30am.  I immediately took my temperature to make sure it was still above coverline.  It was.  Time to test!  I grabbed a first response and headed to the toilet.  My heart was racing so quickly I almost blacked out.  I peed and I waited.  Almost instantly the two lines showed up together.  I sighed a sigh of relieve and headed back to bed and asked Chad if I could turn the light on.  I said “See, now do you believe me!?” as I showed him the positive test.  We were both excited but went back to sleep quickly knowing this all could be over with in a matter of weeks like last time.

So, no need to get attached right?  What if this one goes away just like last time?  What if my body rejects it?  What if there is something wrong with ME!?  I have no idea why the last one didn’t work out.  Part of me does want to blame the folic acid.  I was taking 2mg, now I’m taking 5mg each day.  I actually got my homocycteine levels checked a few weeks ago and they are normal. So whatever I’m doing now is working!  Every time I go to the bathroom and I don’t see blood feels like a new milestone has been crossed.

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