I can’t even begin to describe the slew of emotions that I’ve gone through in the last 24 hours. Let’s start with my workout yesterday.
5 mile run. Done. It was nice, legs hurt a little bit. I ran close to 20 miles over the weekend so it was nice to just take it semi easy yesterday.
I had a sort of off day yesterday if you will. I weighed myself for the first time in about a month yesterday. Let me give some background on the scale and my relationship with it. I never have been a huge proponent of scales. When I was in school, up until about 10th grade, I only got weighed at the doctor’s office. I was gaining a little bit of weight and could feel it in my clothes but attributed it to getting older and still going through puberty. But by the end of sophomore year I was not exercising and eating daily treats of Twinkies, Village Inn pies, Arby’s value meals and endless portions of pretzels, chips, diet soda, and snack foods just to name a few. My mom had noticed a change in the way I looked so when I told her I wanted to purchase a scale to keep tabs on my weight she quickly and quietly jumped on the opportunity.
Neither of my parents have ever had a problem with their weights. I never ever got told to watch what I ate as a child growing up or was ever limited on what I could have (with the exception of limited amounts of candy and soda as we didn’t keep that stuff in the house and it was for special occasions only). I was always a healthy eater but quite skinny for my age. I never ever heard the word “diet” in my house hold. My mother had and still has a very healthy relationship with food and has always been very slender at 5’7 119, she’s not a large woman. As she has gotten older she has gained a few pounds here and there and is up to between 125-130 but still looks damn good for a woman who just turned 60 in June! My dad does not have as healthy of a relationship with food. While he never said anything to me about my eating habits growing up or my ballooning teenage years, I started to notice as I got more obsessed with weight that he didn’t have the healthiest relationship with food and still doesn’t. It bothers us a lot because 1/2 the time he looks very thin and gaunt but there’s not much we can do about it.
As you can see he is quite thin. Here are my parents together at our wedding in March
As you can tell, they have both maintained great figures. Anyways, back to the weight thing, high school, I got a scale. I hadn’t gotten weighed since my last doc. appointment when I was a freshman. I was around 135 which wasn’t bad but I wasn’t elated about that number either. I was about 5’7 at the time. Now, one grade more and one inch taller at 5’8, I weighted….168. I was FLOORED. I started crying right then and there. I remember thinking I HAVE got to do something about this. I was mortified. How could someone so active have ballooned up to this weight!? I remember having a dream that I turned into Garfield after he has too much lasagna. I was marching through a city and was a giant, almost like the stay puffed marshmallow man on Ghostbusters. I woke up in a cold sweat and realized I couldn’t live another day like this. That summer I really got into working out and started to try and scale back on my portions as I never was an unhealthy eater just a BIG eater. I joined 24 hour fitness and was there every waking moment. By the end of the summer I also had to get my wisdom teeth out. I didn’t eat for about a week and when I did eat it was all liquid type foods. I got down to a low of 145 by the time I started my Junior year of high school. I was still 5’8 and pretty much stayed between 145-149, never going above 150. I liked that weight. I felt great there. I’m not sure where I fell off the wagon. Maybe it was my group of friends, maybe it was lack of exercise, maybe it was the fact that I was going to start my senior year, but somewhere along those lines I gained again. I remember not checking in too much after winter of my Junior year. The next time I hoped on the scale actually wasn’t until my family went on vacation for my parents 25th wedding anniversary to Hawaii. There was a scale in the bathroom of the condo we were staying at. I did the unthinkable. I really didn’t feel like I looked any different and hey, I was a whole inch taller! I got on and will never forget what I saw.