The Panic

The panic of the pregnancy rolled in yesterday morning, Tuesday June 21 at around 9:30am to be exact.  All I kept thinking was what if my MTHFR diagnosis complicates things with my baby!?  I began doing tons of searches including “miscarriage and MTHRF”, “MTHRF”, “Complications with pregnancy and MTHRF” just to name a few.  The more I started to read, the more panicked I became.  Everything from birth defects, to having a kids with downs, to spina bifida.  Not to mention the miscarries.  The rates go up exponentially if you have this gene mutation due to the high levels of homocycleine pumping through your blood.  I started getting very VERY scared.  I couldn’t help it, I started to cry and immediately instant messaged Chad.  He is my hero.  Enough said.  He calmed me down almost instantly.  I always have told him if we miscarry it’s just my bodies way of getting rid of an abnormal unhealthy fetus.  Babies aren’t supposed to be born defective so it will be ok if it happens.  We’ll try again and hope for a healthy normal fetus.  Well he reminded me of this and I started panicking telling him that unfortunately with my gene mutation, I as the mother could cause a perfectly healthy fetus to abort because of the environment I’m housing it in.  I was so excited just a week ago and now I’m more scared than I’ve ever been in my life.  I can’t believe I started crying at work.  Very tough day for me.  Chad almost instantly brought me back down with soothing words telling me we’ll get through it together and to call my doc and stop reading everything online.  Every case is different and we still know very little about mine.  He reassured me that everything was going to be just fine.  He truly is an amazing partner and friend.  So I calmed down and got through my day stopping myself from looking at all the crazy forums.  Luckily I was already diagnosed with this gene mutation 10 years ago.  I was put on prescription strength folic acid and started taking that in March.  I also take a pre-natal vitamin and have been since March and eat extremely well.  I exercise daily which I heard can reduce the levels of homocycleine in the blood.  Not to mention when I had a pre-conception/family planning doc. appointment back in January, my doc. told me I had nothing to worry about and to come see her again when I was pregnant.  So here we are.  Pregnant and she merely touched on the fact that I have this problem on Saturday! Our next appointment is on July 7th.  It’s an ultrasound and my doc said this is when we will discuss my gene mutation.  I suppose they want to find a heartbeat first.  My chances of having an abnormal child or miscarriage do greatly decrease with the right diagnosis and treatment.  I’m so thankful that we already know I’m a high risk pregnancy so that we can catch this thing early.   I’m already so in love with this baby.  I can’t even bare the thought of losing it.

On my drive home yesterday I had another talk with baby, “Baby, I’m not letting you go.  I have a feeling you’re here to stay though.  You are a strong little thing and I have no doubt we are going to see you in February.”

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